I see myself as being in a waiting room that has a large window with a view to the apocalypse. The waiting room itself is rather pleasant, but the view is disturbing to say the least. Now, I've already passed the stage of acceptance with our NTHE, but when I started out dealing with it I remember being glued to that window, fascinated by the slow creep of The End, and monitoring every detail with the understandable anguish that comes with it. I now call that type of sweating the details Disaster Porn. I don't do that anymore. I've spent enough time at the window now to accept that this is a thing. That it's reality. I now spend more time enjoying what's in the waiting room than looking out the window. Since mid-2017 I made a deliberate decision to do exactly this and I now believe I've found genuine happiness in spite of the overall situation. I've been looking after my health more, and that feels good. I've been learning things that I have previously been intimidated to learn (3d animation), which feels great, if not a little bit challenging, but that's why it feels great. And I've also fallen in love with drawing again, a past passion. What I haven't done is close the curtains of the window to block out the apocalyptic view. That's always there to remind me what's coming, but my focus is more in the waiting room.
Now you might be asking, if I'm in a waiting room, what am I waiting for? Well, that's easy: I'm waiting for what's outside the window to affect what's inside the room. Right now the two seem very disconnected to one another and that makes for a schizophrenic existence, which can be confusing. Essentially we live in two opposing realities at the same time: the natural world that is dying, and the all-singing, all-dancing world of money that is desperately convinced there's nothing wrong. Being aware of both realities has made it singularly frustrating to see the urgency of climate change go completely unheeded by the corporate-owned media and the corporate-owned politicians. What's worse is just how many people don't seem to really care either. In fact, you can replace climate change with peak-oil, or global debt, or any other completely unsustainable paradigm of equally terrifying consequences and it will be met with the same disengaged apathy from the general population. (The trouble with being awake is that you realise just how many of us are still asleep). But I digress...So, when there is no longer any schism between the room and the view, when both of these opposing realities become one and the same is when we'll finally see the truth, whatever that may be. The truth about other people. The truth about ourselves. The truth about the world. Human nature. Etcetera. I expect it to be ugly and beautiful, and fascinating, but I also suspect something we already knew anyway, but never fully embraced. However, while I wait for that moment to arrive, (in my very pleasant waiting room) I'll continue living my life in the way I would like to live it, to the best of my abilities, while I still can. Actually, one of the pleasant surprises I've recently discovered has been the joy of maintaining a clean and organised house. Even with the NTHE drawing closer and closer I'm amazed how rewarding it is to have my place tidy. I call it Choretopia. I'll meet my inevitable demise one day, but until that time comes I'll make sure all the dishes are clean and put away.
Now some of you might be thinking, isn't what I'm describing basically another form of Denial? Well, not really, however it probably would be if I completely ignored the view outside. I accept the NTHE as being true. I also accept that there's really nothing I can do about it either. And yet I'll still recycle, and I'll still support organisations that do good in the world. I'll even participate in some of their efforts from time to time. Walk in a peace rally? Sure! Stand up for endangered species? Absolutely. Will any of it make a difference in the end? Of course not. But that's not the point either. It's who we want to be in the time remaining that is the point here. We don't do it to be remembered as such, because we won't be. We do it simply to remind ourselves who we are as a human being, what we believe is important and what we stand against.
And to regularly vacuum.
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